The Hogwarts Christmas Karaoke Party
by RuneWitchSakura
Summary: An Early Christmas Present For You All. Dumbledore announces a Christmas Karaoke Party over the break, and the students come up with some screwed up Christmas songs. Then Voldemort decides to start his own Karaoke Party. T for content. On Hold.
1. Prologue: The Announcement

Dumbledore stood at the end of the table. It was Christmas break and a lot of students had stayed behind so they had four tables laying side by side.

"I would like to announce that this year, we are going to have a Christmas Karaoke party. You can sing whatever song you want as long as it's Christmasfied. Now who would like to go first." Hermione's hand went in the air. Of course, she already had a song ready. She was a brainiac, after all.

"Alright Ms. Granger. What song will you be singing?"  
"I'll be singing…"


	2. Voldie Got Run Over By A Potter

"Alright Ms. Granger. What song will you be singing?"  
"I'll be singing Voldie Got Run Over By A Potter."

"Alright then, Ms. Granger. You may begin whenever you wish." Dumbledore waved his hand and a stage appeared. Hermione started to sing:

"Voldie got run over by a Potter

One who was Drunk and High on Drugs

You can say no Potter'd ever get High

But as for me and Harry, we believe

---

Harry'd been drinking too much beer,  
And smoking too much pot.  
He got a little Dizzy,  
And then staggered out the door  
into the snow.

---

When we found him Christmas morning,  
At the scene of the damn crash  
He was laughing his poor head off,  
Cause he hit Voldie  
on his way back.

---

Voldie got run over by a Potter

One who was Drunk and High on Drugs

You can say no Potter'd ever get High

But as for me and Harry, we believe

---

Now we're all so proud of Dumbles,  
He's been taking this so well.  
The Prophecy was a fake one,  
Trelawney made up to get a job

---

It's not Christmas without Sybil,  
All the teacher's dressed in black.  
And we just can't help but wonder  
Did Dumbles do her in  
or was it someone else?  
DUMBLES DID IT!!!

---

Voldie got run over by a Potter

One who was Drunk and High on Drugs

You can say no Potter'd ever get High

But as for me and Harry, we believe

---

Now the goose is on the table  
And the Death Eaters all have died  
The World was Celebrating,  
Cause Harry finally learned how to drive  
NOT!.

---

I've warned all my friends in Gryffindor,  
Better watch out for yourselves.  
They should never give a license,  
To a moron who can't drive,  
or hit the breaks..

---

Sing it, Harry!

---

Voldie got run over by a Potter

One who was Drunk and High on Drugs

You can say no Potter'd ever get High

But as for me and Harry, we believe"

"Excellent song, Ms. Granger. Now who'd like to go next?"

Pansy Parkinson raised her hand.

"Alright Ms. Parkinson. And what will you be singing?"

"I'll be singing…"


	3. Voldie Smells

"Excellent song, Ms. Granger. Now who'd like to go next?"

Pansy Parkinson raised her hand.

"Alright Ms. Parkinson. And what will you be singing?"

"I'll be singing Voldie Smells."

"Whenever you're ready, Ms. Parkinson." Pansy got on stage and started to sing:

"On his way to heaven

Siri played a prank

And crazy Voldemort

Got left in a garbage heap

Ha! Ha! Ha!

He forgot to take a bath

Poor Bella couldn't hold her tongue

She commented just once

And he 'Crucio'ed her all night long

Oh, Jingle Bells, Voldie Smells

Bella kicked the bucket

Oh, what fun, it is to laugh

Cause Voldie didn't take a bath

Oh, Jingle Bells, Voldie Smells

Bella kicked the bucket

Oh, what fun, it is to laugh

Cause Voldie didn't take a bath

"That was wonderful Ms. Parkinson," Dumbledore applauded.

"I'll say," Harry muttered to Ron. Ron snickered.

"Who'd like to go next?" No body raised their hand. Ron stomped on Harry's foot, causing him to jump up.

"Ah, Mr. Potter, so good of you to volunteer. What is it you will be singing tonight?"

Harry glared at Ron, then grinned mischievously. Ron gulped.

"I'll be singing…"


	4. I Saw Ronald Kissing Dumbledore

I got this idea from MoonKittyru.

* * *

"Who'd like to go next?" No body raised their hand. Ron stomped on Harry's foot, causing him to jump up. 

"Ah, Mr. Potter, so good of you to volunteer. What is it you will be singing tonight?"

Harry glared at Ron, then grinned mischievously. Ron gulped.

"I'll be singing I Saw Ronald Kissing Dumbledore." Ron gulped again. Why the hell did he have to pick a song about _that_ incident? Harry got up on stage and started to sing:

"I saw Ronald kissing Dumbledore

Underneath the mistletoe last year

They didn't see Colin creep

To the front to take a peep

But the sure saw the flash

As the camera took a shot

And I saw Ronald kissing Dumbledore

Underneath the mistletoe last year

And what a laugh it always is

When Colin sends out his holiday cards

Of Ronald kissing Dumbledore last year."

Dumbledore's eye was twitching at the end of the song, while Ron was hanging his head, red with embarrassment. It had been that magic type of mistletoe that didn't let you go until you kissed.

"Whose next?" Dumbledore asked, in a near-growl.

"We are," the Weasley twins said together, "And we'll be singing…"


	5. Here comes Voldemort

Voldemort looked out at all his Death Eaters.

"As you may or may not know," he began, "Hogwarts is having a Christmas Karaoke Party."

All he got was blank looks from the Death Eaters.

"WE MUST NOT BE OUTDONE!" Voldie roared, "So we will be having our own Christmas Karaoke Party. Severus, you shall start."

"B-b-but-but," Snape protested.

"SING!" Voldie commanded. Snape sighed and started to sing.

_"Here comes Voldemort_

_Here comes Voldemort_

_Right down Diagon Alley_

_Malfoy and Bella and all his minions_

_Are leading the front lines_

_Wands are flashing, people screaming_

_All is dreary and Dark_

_Hide yourself and say your prayers_

_Cause Voldemort comes tonight."_

Snape finished and Voldie dismissed him. He got to Hogwarts and walked into the Great Hall to talk to Dumbledore.

"Ah, Severus. The Weasley twins just finished their song. Would you like to go next?" Dumbledore said.

"NO!" Snape yelled and ran from the room.

* * *

Obviously Voldie's songs are gonna be darker. They're Death Eaters, what do you expect? 


	6. Percy Snitched On Us

"Whose next?" Dumbledore asked, in a near-growl.

"We are," the Weasley twins said together, "And we'll be singing Percy Snitched On Us."

"Very well. Whenever you two are ready." The twins got up on stage and started to sing (**Fred**/George/_Both_):

_"_**We broke our bat on Ronnie's head **

Percy snitched on us

We hid Trevor in Mione's bed

Percy snitched on us

We spilled some ink on Snapey's rug

We made Draco eat a bug

Gave his dad a big slimy slug

Percy snitched on us

Oh, we're gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Even though Dad is laughin like mad

We're gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Cause Mum says we've been nuttin but bad

We put a tack on Pansy's chair

Percy snitched on us

We tied a knot in Ginny's hair

Percy snitched on us

We did a dance on Neville's plants

The Whomping Willow tore our pants

We filled Percy's bed with fire ants

He still snitched on us

So, we're gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Mum is seriously mad

We're gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Cause we ain't been nuttin' but bad

We wont be seeing Santa Clause

Percy snitched on us

He won't come visit us because

Percy snitched on us

Next year we won't even go strait

Next year we'll be worse, just wait

We'd start now, but it's to late

Percy snitched on us

We're grounded real good, it's true

But hear this Percy; we're warning you

Next year your gettin' nuttin but

PRANKS!"

Snape walked into the Great Hall as the Weasley twins finished.

"Ah, Severus. The Weasley twins just finished their song. Would you like to go next?" Dumbledore said.

"NO!" Snape yelled and ran from the room.

"Oh, well. Anyone else want to go?"

"Oooh! Oooh! Let me! Let me!" Trelawney squealed.

"I though Dumbles killed her," Minerva muttered.

"Alright Sybil. And what will you be singing?"

"Oooh! I'll be singing…"


	7. Away In Her Tower

For those of you who don't know:

Voldie Got Run Over By A Potter is sung to the tune of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

Voldie Smells is sung to the tune of Jingle Bells

I Saw Ronald Kissing Dumbledore is sung to the tune of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause

Here Comes Voldemort is sung to the tune of Here Comes Santa Clause

And Percy Snitched On Us is sung to the tune of Nuttin' For Christmas

This chapter's song is sung to the tune of Away In A Manger.

* * *

"Oh, well. Anyone else want to go?" 

"Oooh! Oooh! Let me! Let me!" Trelawney squealed.

"I though Dumbles killed her," Minerva muttered.

"Alright Sybil. And what will you be singing?"

"Oooh! I'll be singing-"

BANG! BANG!

Sybil fell over dead.

Everyone looked at McGonagall who was holding a smoking shotgun.

"Well, you never finished the job," she said to Dumbledore. Dumbledore smiled.

"Anyone else want to go?"

Everyone looked warily at the still smoking shotgun. Dumbledore sighed.

"I guess I'll have to go then." Dumbles walked up to the stage and started to sing:

"Away in her tower, with her crystal ball

The psycho Trelawney made up stuff in her head

This pissed of McGonagall and she had a gun

And psycho Trelawney fell dead off the stage."

"That was a very good song, if I do say so myself," Dumbledore said. Everyone looked at him like he was crazy. Everyone except McGonagall. She liked the song. It reminded her of something, that she couldn't quite place.

"Now, who'd like to go next? Anyone? No one? Oh, well. I guess I'll just have to pull names out of the Sorting Hat." Dumbledore dug around in the Sorting Hat (who was grumbling about old farts and their damn Karaoke parties) and pulled out a slip of paper.

"Ah, here we go. And the person singing next is…"


	8. Three Songs In This Chapter

Triple songs (Technically double songs, since I only did two of them) since this hasn't been updated for a while.

Trick the Twins is sung to the tune of Deck the Halls

Here Comes Dumbledore is sung to the tune of Here Comes Santa Claus. Here Comes Dumbledore was written by Nejifanatic101.

We Wish You A Scary Christmas is sung to the tune of We Wish You A Merry Christmas.

If anyone else has an idea for a song (and who'd sing it) PM or email it to me. I'd probably update faster.

* * *

"Now, who'd like to go next? Anyone? No one? Oh, well. I guess I'll just have to pull names out of the Sorting Hat." Dumbledore dug around in the Sorting Hat (who was grumbling about old farts and their damn Karaoke parties) and pulled out a slip of paper. 

"Ah, here we go. And the person singing next is Ronald Weasley." Ron groaned but got up on the stage anyway.

"Trick the Twins into eating boughs of Holly

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Try to get Snape to be jolly

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Malfoy puts on his gay apparel

Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la

Then gets drunk and sings screwed-up carols

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la"

Ron got down of the stage as quick as he could; Malfoy glaring at him the whole way. Dumbledore was oblivious to this fact as he pulled another name out of the hat (which was still grumbling about old farts).

"Ah…Luna Lovegood. You're next." The blonde girl walked up to the stage.

"Here comes Dumbledore,

Here comes Dumbledore,

Right down Privet drive!

He's got a bundle full of joy

For the Dursley house tonight!

Hear the footsteps echo in the

Oh so quiet night.

The lighter clicks

And the lights go out,

Cause Dumbledore came tonight."

As Voldemort watched through his Magic Orb of Doom™ , he gasped.

"So that's where Potter hides during the summer! I must explore it!" And he did so. However, in his rush, he splinched himself. The upper half of his body (minus his arms) appeared under water, where he quickly drowned, seeing as he couldn't swim. His arms and legs managed to make it to the Dursley's back yard where said limbs scarred Petunia and Dudley for the rest of their lives. Vernon was sent to an insane asylum when the neighbors overheard him yelling about Wizards and magic.

The Death Eaters, on the other hand, did not know that Voldemort had kicked the bucket, therefore they were still singing at the Karaoke party. Bellatrix, Lucius, and Narcissa were all singing this time.

"We wish you a scary Christmas

We wish you a scary Christmas

We wish you a scary Christmas

And a not-so-happy New Year!

Bad tidings we bring

To Muggles and their kin

We wish them a scary Christmas

And a not-so-happy New Year!"

The Death Eaters cheered, save for one in the back who booed until Bellatrix tortured him.


	9. Mr Grinch, no, Professor Snape

Professor Snape is sung to the tune of 'You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch'. I actually only messed with the long verses (save one or two of the shorter ones), because I had no clue what to put for the shorter ones.

* * *

"Let's see, who's next?" Professor Dumbledore said, reaching through the Sorting Hat.

"Hey! Watch that hand! Dammit, I'm being violated here! My agent never said I'd have to do stuff like this!" the Sorting Hat yelled.

"Ah here we are," Dumbledore said, pulling out a piece of paper, and ignoring the Sorting Hat. "Oh, how delightful. Professor Flitwick!"

Professor Flitwick stumbled up to the stage. He had somehow gotten drunk off the Butterbeer (or maybe it was the eggnog – he couldn't really remember correctly). Flitwick giggled before he started singing with slurred words:

"_You're a mean one, Professor Snape_

_You really are an ass._

__

You're as cuddly as a manticore

You're as charming as the Squid.

Professor Snape

_You're a bad banana_

__

With a greasy black peel.

_You're a monster, Professor Snape_

_  
Your heart's not even real_

_  
Your brain is full of bats_

_  
You've got creepiness in your soul._

_  
Professor Snape_

_I wouldn't touch you, with a_

_  
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole._

_You're a vile one, Professor Snape._

_  
You never ever smile._

_  
You have all the tender sweetness_

_  
Of a cartsick groundskeeper._

_  
Professor Snape_

_Given the choice between the two of you_

_  
I'd take the cartsick groundskeeper_

_You're a foul one, Professor Snape_

__

You're a nasty, wasty greaseball

Your heart is full of cobwebs

Your soul is full of slime

Professor Snape

_The three words that best describe you,_

__

are, and I quote: "Evil Death Eater"

_You're a rotter, Professor Snape_

__

You're the king of Slytherins

Your heart's a rotten potion ingredient

With moldy spores growing on it

Professor Snape

_Your soul is an appalling dump heap _

_overflowing__with the most disgraceful assortment_

_of deplorable __rubbish imaginable,_

_  
Mangled up in tangled up knots._

_You nauseate me Professor Snape_

_  
With a nauseous super-naus._

_  
You're a crooked psychotic man_

_  
And you have a crooked nose_

_  
Professor Snape_

_You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool  
sandwich_

_  
With arsenic sauce."_

Flitwick giggled again, and got down from the stage. The Gryffindors were cheering while the Slytherins glared at them.

"Very nice Professor Flitwick." Dumbledore said.

* * *

FFnet screwed up the songs format. This is part of a huge update of all my stories. Please Read and Review. Smiles!

Rune


	10. Dreaded Author's Note

To My Readers:

Yes, the dreaded Author's Note rather than an update. As I'm sure you noticed, I haven't updated any of my stories in well over a year, and several of them in well, several years. **I'm not giving them up, but it has been a long time, so here's the deal.**

I'll be slowly but surely moving them to my livejournal account. mchilz (dot) livejournal (dot) com The link will also be up on my profile. My e-mail is also mchilz (at) hotmail (dot) com. I know I've meant to put that in the latest updates, but well, the updates didn't happen.

This allows for two things:

(**One**) I will be able to keep track of when I've updated any fanfics (with fanfic in the title of the post), and will guilt myself into posting if I don't see one at least every two weeks.

(**Two**) I will be able to edit to my heart's content. I easily fix mistakes that I didn't quite catch the first time proof reading. I can also rewrite most of them. If you've read some of my earlier stories and some of my latest ones, you can tell that my writing style has changed a bit.

I've honestly looked back at some of them and thought, _I wrote this? Seriously?_

As soon as each story is done, it will be moved back over here. Not that I'm taking any of the stories down. The chapters already here will just be replaced. In the newest chapters I will have a note in bold at the top saying 'Read from the beginning'.

As for my livejournal, you'll know you're there when you see 'Random Writings' as the heading with 'MChilz' directly under it. On the left hand column, under the title 'FANFICTION LINKS' will be a link to the master fanfiction post (for everything and for each fandom) for easy access.

I update my livejournal a lot with amusing things that my cat or brother did, spiders scaring the crap out of me, writer's block, and every dream I can remember, quite a few of which will likely get turned into fanfiction themselves. So, you'll definitely want to use the fanfiction master post, so you don't get lost.

I will likely continue my updates at Twisting the Hellmouth, as that has different stories then here, but fanficion and mediaminer will have to wait for updates (I've forgotten my password to mediaminer and fictionesque anyway. So as soon as I figure them out, I'll post a similar note there).

Sincerely,

RuneWitchSakura


End file.
